Effort is Everything: Making the First Date Process Easy


In my last post I talked about how a little effort during the initial texting or email stage could help make the difference between a date and a dead-end. In this one, I’m going to help you understand how a few simple things will show her you’re worth meeting, that you’re considerate and you value her time. 

I understand we’re all busy these days. We’re so busy we compete to talk about how busy we are. However, no one wants to feel like an afterthought, especially on a first date. So if you’re truly too busy to make a simple plan for a date, you’re too busy to date. It’s that simple.

Dating takes effort and time. So ask yourself if you’re willing to make that a priority in your life. If you are, great, keep reading. If you aren’t, come back when you are.

Pick the Place

One of the biggest complaints I hear from women about a first date is lack of initiative. Again, this doesn’t have to mean anything elaborate. It simply means, take the lead and suggest a place to meet. But before you do this, please, please, please take into consideration logistics.

Where do you both live?
Where do you both work?
What’s convenient?

It’s ok to ask these things before suggesting something. Women love thoughtful men. So a simple, ‘where are you coming from?’ or ‘what area is convenient for you?’ goes a long way. It also helps narrow down your choices and options, especially if you live in a big city.

I'm still a proponent of the man coming to the woman, so if possible, always try to come to her neighborhood (assuming she’s ok with this). There’s nothing worse than you picking a place near you (because you know it) and not thinking about how she will get there and get home. It’s inconsiderate and immediately shows her you aren’t thinking of her.

It’s a first date, so it doesn’t need to be food-related, and frankly shouldn’t. Just a drink or coffee (NOT STARBUCKS – pick a nice coffee house), even a walk is perfect. The goal is simply to meet and see if you want to meet again. If the date is going well, there’s always the option to ask if she wants to grab a bite, but I recommend doing something where you both have a quick out if needed.

Ask in Advance

Another thing that makes women feel like you aren’t making an effort is the last minute ask. If it’s a first date, try to ask her ahead of time what days work for her. And then commit to it. You don’t have to sort out all the details then and there but at least nail down the date. Then you can tell her you’ll look up some places and make a suggestion closer to the day. This allows you time to do your homework while giving her the peace of mind that the date is set and you are taking care of it.

A woman wants to show up, look good for you and enjoy your company. She’s focused on that. And while of course, you want the same, she probably spends a little more time getting ready.  

You don’t need to be a master planner or even a master organizer to do this. A simple Yelp search can find something convenient for both of you in a matter of minutes. So don’t stress about it either. Worse case scenario is you both show up decide it’s too noisy, too crowded or just not your scene and you go somewhere else. No biggie.

So do yourself and your date a favor, and just try and make it easy on her and be considerate. In dating, a little goes a very long way.